tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4202885377377842521.post1002228983050589314..comments2024-03-04T09:16:14.303-08:00Comments on Ali Off The Mark: TEDx Draft #1Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14399732285678319048noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4202885377377842521.post-28457431228203233912013-06-18T11:26:36.921-07:002013-06-18T11:26:36.921-07:00thanks.thanks.Alihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14399732285678319048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4202885377377842521.post-59905150584942034702013-06-18T11:26:26.809-07:002013-06-18T11:26:26.809-07:00Thank you, Katie!! I really appreciate the feedbac...Thank you, Katie!! I really appreciate the feedback.Alihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14399732285678319048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4202885377377842521.post-83732245334604944072013-06-18T06:08:38.759-07:002013-06-18T06:08:38.759-07:00Overall, I think it flows well and conveys good in...Overall, I think it flows well and conveys good information in a natural and interesting way. You paint a very vivid picture for people who don't really know what panic attacks are and do a good job of telling how one disorder can chain into several others.<br />Only one sentence stood out to me and felt like it could use some polishing (for two reasons): "One thing that makes me so hyper aware of the effects of my OCD, and makes me determined to spread awareness of effects of anxiety disorders on those of us who suffer from them, is that life wasn’t always this way for me." I can't explain exactly why but it felt like a high school awkwardness to start the second paragraph with 'One thing'. I can be overruled and it may sound more natural with you saying it instead of reading it but I thought I would point it out since I noticed. <br />The other part was that you said 'life wasn't always this way for me' and then went on to describe what sounded like problems you'd had all your life and I was confused about where the normal life was. Maybe change it to 'life wasn't always this extreme' or 'life has gotten harder' or 'life didn't always need to be medicated'. Something that indicates that you had the same issues but that they were milder and manageable earlier in life.Katie Navehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10334161684189248384noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4202885377377842521.post-20461440619768785322013-06-17T20:27:58.205-07:002013-06-17T20:27:58.205-07:00Very helpful and informative. Very helpful and informative. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09068010284145260558noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4202885377377842521.post-49626519843462605452013-06-17T11:00:30.754-07:002013-06-17T11:00:30.754-07:00I felt as though you were speaking my thoughts... ...I felt as though you were speaking my thoughts... Bravo to you for being so strong to share your story!! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16523536874089863171noreply@blogger.com