Teammates Glossary

Originally written to be placed at the back of the book, this glossary covers some of the basic ins and outs of hockey as well as the Darts' roster. It's mostly for entertainment as the books may be about hockey but they aren't about hockey, so nobody should need to know any of this to enjoy the series.


Note: This is how these terms are used generally in old lady hockey. Don’t get all indigent if something isn’t accurate to NHL standards or some shit. Just calm down. It’s only beer league. No, wait, it’s only a book about beer league.

Arena/Rink - That’s where you play hockey. It is indoors and usually comes with a lobby and some locker rooms. Maybe not enough locker rooms, but some. Hopefully.

Blueline - There are two bluelines on the ice which mark the border between the neutral zone and the offensive/defensive zones. There are off-sides rules relating to the blue lines (puck must cross before offensive player) but understanding the details of off-sides shouldn’t be necessary to understand this book. If it is, I done fucked up.

Center - A forward position whose primary zone of play is fucking everywhere. Centers take faceoffs and have to skate twice as hard as wings (shut up, wings, you know it’s true) but are often twice as full of themselves (shut up, centers, you know it’s true)

D/defense (or defenseman but don’t say defensewoman, that’s dumb) - One of the positions on the ice—the D stay closer to their home net. Hockey teams play two D at a time along with the three forwards. D are the unsung heroes of hockey, in my humble opinion. Not that I play D a lot or anything (but I do) 

Faceoff - Play starts at the faceoff, the ref drops the puck at the faceoff dot at the start of each period and after any whistle (Fun fact: there are 7 faceoff dots on a hockey rink), when the puck is dropped the centers battle for possession and the game is afoot! 

Five-hole - The space between the goalie’s legs where you might be able to shoot the puck through. Also the start of a lot of dirty jokes.

Goal crease - The blue half-circle type thing in front of the goal. Opposing players can’t hang out in the goal crease—it’s against the rules—and if the goalie doesn’t hit you her defense will.

Goal-line or end-line - this description might actually make you more confused, but there’s this long thinish line that the puck must cross to score when it’s in the net, but it extends to the boards, and if the puck crosses both the redline and the end-line it’s probably just been iced* (*see icing) 

Goalie - They protect the net. Goalies are very important, be nice to your goalie.

Hat-trick - When a player scores 3 goals in a single game. Sometimes fans throw their hats on the ice when somebody gets a hat-trick. But beer league doesn’t have many fans.

Icing - When the puck is sent from the defensive side of the redline down the ice until it crosses the offensive end-line. If the teams are full-strength, this will result in a whistle. Players often ice the puck when they are tired and just want to get the fuck off the ice.

Net - The net, where you try to put the puck and score. It is a net strung up on a metal frame of posts or pipes and a crossbar. 

Neutral zone - The section of the ice between the blue lines. Like a no-mans-land of hockey.

Offensive zone - The opposing team's end of the ice, which ends at the blueline. Generally, teams like it when they can spend a lot of time here.

One-timer - Shooting the puck directly off the pass, without catching it first. It’s harder than it looks. 

Penalties - There are a lot of “no-nos” in hockey, like tripping, hooking, or slashing. There’s even one called “butt-ending” (heheh). Minor penalties call for a 2 minute “hockey time out” in the penalty box for the offending player. Most penalties are minor. Major penalties get 5 minutes, and misconduct penalties 10. If you want more detail, try the USA Hockey website. 

Penalty kill (PK) - While a player is serving their penalty, their team has to play short-handed. This is known as the PK. During a PK, you can ice the puck without the whistle being blown.

Power play (PP) - When the other team is killing a penalty, your team is on the power play. Power plays are good opportunities to score. Especially if you are all organized and shit.

Redline - the big red line down the center of the ice

Shift - Hockey is a change-on-the-fly sport. No waiting for refs for substitutions. A shift on the ice should be short. In the NHL that means like 45 seconds. In adult hockey, it’s often like 1-2 minutes. Shifts longer than 2 minutes suck both for the worn-out skater (if you aren’t worn out wtf are you even doing out there?) and the sucker waiting on the bench for their turn to play.

Skaters - The players who are not the goalie. Each team plays with 5 skaters on the ice at a time, and ideally at least 5 on the bench to switch with. You can’t play without 5 skaters (and a goalie), and it really sucks when you have fewer than 9. In my opinion. 

Slapshot - It’s a hard shot. Look it up on youtube.

Stickhandling - Keeping the puck on your stick and, like, doing things with it.

Wing - A wing is a forward position that focuses on one side of the ice, right on the right, left on the left, as you face the opposing net. Wings usually like scoring, but without putting in the work of a center. A full forward line consists of two wings and a center.