OCD and superstition go together like peanut butter and jelly... actually no, it's more like vodka and redbull, they get you all amped up, and it can seem like harmless fun, but they will kill your brain cells, kill 'em dead... Now I'm not talking about big superstitions, like believing in ghosts or alien conspiracies or anything (that would be silly). What I'm really talking about are jinxes. The kinds of things normal people might not notice but get me frantically searching for some wood to knock on. Like accidentally saying a wish out loud, then kicking yourself because clearly, now it won't come true (that's just basic science).
The most common focus of my superstitions are sports. Sports fans are notoriously superstitious and I am no exception. I mean, how could I not believe in jinxes when the evidence is so... evident? For example, back in high school hockey, a teammate and I would keep track of the win/loss stats of my coach's pants, and when it became abundantly clear that the blue pants were winning pants and the grey pants were losing pants, we started hounding coach not to wear the grey pants to games anymore. (we almost had a heart attack the day he showed up in brown pants - we had no stats on brown pants! how could he do that to us?) Once he stopped jinxing us with poor pants choices, the season was much less stressful.
For some reason clothing is the key to winning or losing any athletic endeavor. It's true. Don't ask my why. The universe works in mysterious ways. I have a really cute Vikings (american football, for y'all foreigners) tank-top at home (show of hands, who else is totally in love with the VS Pink pro sports line?) but the Vikings can not win if I wear it on game day. It sucks, but I make the sacrafice and keep it packed away every time they play. I'm just doing my part to help the team
Maybe you're not into sports. Well, parenting is full of moments that prove jinxes are totally true too. I mean, which parent hasn't had this conversation:
Parent 1: It's so great that baby is finally sleep trained and sleeps through the night all the time now.
Parent 2: Nice work, asshole, now the baby is totally going to regress. Jeeze, do you even think before you talk?
And Parent 2 might try knocking on wood, but the damage has been done, and the baby will inevitably wake up 3 times that night and every night for the next 6 months. If you have kids, you know what I'm talking about. The one time you leave the house with your newly potty trained kid and forget a spare set of clothes, they'll pee all over the floor at Target (at least you can buy clothes there). The one time you decide to take your cute purse instead of your big mom purse, your kid trips on the sidewalk and gets a bloody knee and now you have no bandaids.
Or maybe you were telling your friend how well your children get along, and immediately your youngest grabs the doll out of her sister's hand and throws it across the room yelling "you'll never get it now! hahaha!" (in a perfect imitation of Swiper the Fox). None of that ring a bell? Well, let me know where you got those pants, because they must be extra jinx-proof.