Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Uterus and I

The April A to Z Challenge is wrapping up and so far it's been pretty good. There have been a few weak posts, but I've never felt as stuck on a letter as I did with U. And I really didn't want to go with the word uterus. I fought the idea. But today I woke up to horrible evil cramps. And every time somebody at work said "how are you?" in that polite casual way, I wanted to scream "my uterus is trying to kill me!" (but I didn't) so I guess the universe is telling me to write about my uterus. Thanks, universe.

Women are pretty bad-ass for putting up with this evil organ. Men complain that getting hit in the nuts hurts a ton. But try to imagine (if there are still any men reading this) knowing that every 4 weeks you would get three days of nut-punches, and that there was nothing you could do about it. And this will happen every 4 weeks from the time you start puberty until you hit your 50s (barring times when you are growing humans in your nutsack, ok this analogy has gone too far). That would suck, wouldn't it? So be nice to the PMSing woman in your life and pray that I never find a magic genie while I'm on the rag, because my first wish might just be to grant you all that lovely experience.

My uterus is pretty cool in some ways though. It did grow two wonderful children. I wasn't a fan of the growing process, but I am grateful that my uterus did such a fabulous job making those big, healthy, beautiful babies. I hope my uterus doesn't take it personally that I want to cut it out and throw it away, now that I'm done having children.

Can you do a uterus organ donation? I'm such a giving person, I would totally give you my uterus. Are you in the market for a pre-owned uterus? It's a pretty well behaved organ, most of the time. It doesn't fight with the other organs. And it only throws tantrums about 3 days out of every 28. And all the surgens who cut it open totally told me how cute it was.

Ok, this post got a little bizarre. I guess blogging and PMS go together like eating doritos dipped in chocolate frosting (at first you're like eww, then you're surprised how good it actually is, but after a while you start to regret it). I bet you can't wait to read what I have in store for the letter V.

13 comments:

  1. Awesome choice of a word! I had such a hard time, I just went with U instead of You! It was bad!

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    1. thanks, although I'm a little afraid I'll lose any male followers I might have had. haha.

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  2. Love the cartoon of the happy uterus!

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  3. I'm mad at my uterus today too! I'm growing a person who is way too comfortable in there and wont come out.

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    1. haha, yeah, she'd better get out soon, I want a proper girls night with you!

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  4. This had me laughing all the way. Fun post ... nah, I think your male followers are just fine. :)

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    1. Thanks. Well if I didn't scare the men away yet, they should see what I have in store for tomorrow... ;)

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  5. When I get cramps, I imagine little ute ninja's going crazy inside there. Stupid utes.

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  6. Love love your U post! Perfecto. Stopping by from the atozchallenge Leslie http://Chipsofftheoldblock.blogspot.com

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  7. Two things: when you said "my uterus is trying to kill me," I flashed on this girl I worked with at Burger King in high school. Her name was Alicia and every time she had her period, she would walk around groaning, "I think my crotch is falling out."

    Thing two: I live in a VERY small, VERY conservative town that is about fifteen miles from another small town that is home to a liberal arts college. Every once in a while the people in the downtown shops here try to get all artsy and let students from the college display their work in the shop windows. Which is how for several weeks in 1999, the Chamber of Commerce window had a neon uterus hanging in it. While it was there, I spent a great deal of time contemplating why there wasn't a town-wide uproar over a NEON UTERUS hanging in the Chamber of Commerce window. Was it that the uptight, prudish old ladies who ruin everything for everyone had somehow evolved overnight or was it just that they did not recognize the uterus for what it was? I never got a satisfactory answer & eventually the uterus was replaced with something significantly less fabulous.

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