Friday, April 19, 2013

How QUEER!

This is, like, pretty much one of the hardest topics for me to write about. That's why, although I made the place-mark for it weeks ago, I haven't posted anything about it until the letter Q (today's assigned letter for the April A to Z Blogging Challenge) forced my hand.

Q is for queer. Back in the old days, if you were called queer, you were being called strange, weird, odd. In the classic Sesame Street song ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ, Big Bird sings the line "it's awful queer to me!" and that's my favorite part of the song. I am certainly queer by that old definition. I am an oddball and I like it. But that's not what I am posting about today. Today I'm posting about the other queer. The gay kind.

First, let me say, I am in love with this definition of queer from the PFLAG website:
Think of queer as an umbrella term. It includes anyone who a) wants to identify as queer and b) who feels somehow outside of the societal norms in regards to gender, sexuality or/and even politics. This, therefore, could include the straight ally who marches during pride, the republican lesbian, the person who highly values queer theory concepts and would rather not identify with any particular label, the gender fluid bisexual, the gender fluid heterosexual, the questioning GLBT person, and the person who just doesn’t feel like they quite fit in to societal norms and wants to bond with a community over that. 
Many people I know and love fit that definition in some way. I would say I'm the "gender fluid bisexual" type of queer. Yup. There. I said it. Bisexual. It's like a dirty word to so many people that I avoid using it. There are so many stereotypes about bisexuals. We're promiscuous. We're not really gay. We are slaves to the binary gender construct. We just want attention. And I hate all of that. I'm none of those things. (Ok, so many I want some attention, but I don't think that is related to my queerness. That's just me bein' me.) That's why I like the word queer better. It's just so much more... flexible. It doesn't put me in a box (or maybe it does, har har, get it? box? vagina? queer women? ...bueller?). It gives me a little more leeway to define my own sexuality.

I'm also a Hartosexual. 
The reason it's hard to post about this is because, well, it doesn't really matter. I'm married to a man. I'm done with dating. And that's that. Who cares if the celeb I'm crushing on right now is Hannah Hart and not MANnah Hart? (I am on a roll today!) Do I try to make up for my very heterosexual life by being involved in as many lesbian stereotypes as possible? Like coaching and playing women's hockey, going to gay marriage rallies, and watching women's basketball? Maybe. Maybe I'll even buy a Subaru one day. But unless Ethan kicks it, or we discover that we're actually raging polyamourists, I'm pretty settled.

Being queer does make me feel a strong personal connection to the current politics concerning LGBT rights, like gay marriage and anti-discrimination laws. Sadly society still has a long way to go before it even truly accepts the "normal" gays, let alone all the people in other parts of the gender and sexuality spectrum. But there's a lot of work being done to make it better. I'm doing what I can and crossing my fingers that my great state of Minnesota will soon legalize gay marriage (you can too! call your local representative!). And whenever the world does take a step forward toward equality, it makes my heart soar. And damnit, there is no better party than a queer-filled party when we win a vote for quality! It may sound cliché, but Pride events are truly fabulous.


11 comments:

  1. I feel this all the time. I'm a bisexual woman whose significant relationships have only been with men. I strongly identify as bisexual, but it doesn't matter so much of the time because I'm dating a guy. I feel like I need to explain myself all the time or people will make the wrong assumptions, and that would be cutting out a significant part of myself. I feel so invisible so much of the time.
    Thanks for posting.

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    1. Yes, that's exactly how I feel. It's an uncomfortable space to occupy.

      We have a ridiculous amount in common, we should hang out in real life some time. :)

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    2. This sounds like an excellent idea, if only social anxiety and schedules don't get in the way!

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  2. This post is stellar! You are too funny. I am queer but neither bisexual or lesbian. Just queer. By the way, you stole my word for my Q post. ;) I was totally going to write something almost identical to this. You're a woman after my own heart. Keep up the good work! Jennifer a.k.a. Urban Gypsy Girl

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  3. Thanks! haha, I was wondering if I'd see any other Q is for Queer posts. Everybody seems to be writing about quilts. :)

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  4. Great post. Definitions ... they turn upside down and inside out ... in the end we are what we are ... can't help it.
    Well written.

    Silvia @ Silvia Writes

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  5. One of the myths about bisexuals that has always bothered me is that people who are bi MUST be cheating on their partner, even if married, because they find EVERYONE attractive. Agghhh...
    I used to do LGBT programming at a college and oh the conversations we had!
    Good post :)

    AJ Lauer
    #atozchallenge helper minion
    Twitter: @ayjaylauer

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    1. YES, that is one of my biggest pet peeves too. I don't get it, it's not like heterosexuals need to have sex with every dude/girl they find attractive. Why would be be any different?

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  6. There is so much in this post I can respect and identify with. I got married ridiculously young (to a man) & we have been married twenty-six years, but my only other serious/intimate/sexual relationship was with a woman. I don't think about labels much--because I have been in a committed monogamous relationship for so long that it seems sort of irrelevant that I am attracted to both men and women. If forced to pick a label, I would probably say bisexual, but I have some of the same issues with it that you state. Thanks for a thought-provoking post.

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    1. Thanks. It's amazing how many of us there are out there. It's cool to get responses like yours and know I'm not alone. :)

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