Vagina. I mean really, what else would V possibly stand for.
This is a great word to illustrait some of the weird difficulties of having a daughter that are completely caused by our own stupid society. Vagina. It's treated like a dirty word oh so much more than penis. There's no PEN15 Club for vaginas. (although I guess that would hard, what, like V4G1N4 Club? That sounds like a disease you get from poultry). People should be more comfortable with that word. In high school "Heath, Drugs, and Sex Ed" class the teacher went around the room and made each person say "Penis and Vagina" without giggling. This took practically the whole class period. Apparently getting 17 year old boys to say that with a straight face is basically impossible.
Anyway, what was I talking about? My daughters, right. I wanted them to learn the real word right away. None of this "lady bits" or "hoo-haw" crap. And I thought I was being very feminist and forward thinking and all that when I taught my daughters the word vagina.
Only the mommy wars are so bad that apparently I suck, and that's just not good enough. I should have taught them vulva. Well, shit. I guess I just might as well have said vajayjay, now they're going to grow up thinking their vulva is their vagina and clearly this will lead the therapy later. But I can't bring myself to re-teach them the generic word for their girl-crotch. So I also taught them the pee comes from the urethra and that's going to have to be good enough for now. Also, in case you haven't experienced it, a toddler saying "urethra" is just about the funniest thing ever.
But it turns out they actually never say vagina anyway, they just say 'gina (which is way better than vag' at least) and they say it a lot. Nothing gets a giggle like a well-timed exclamation about their butt or 'gina. That's just the age we're at.
Now I've probably made you all really uncomfortable with all this talk of children and vaginas, so let's wrap this up with a cute/embarrassing (for me) story from when Kaylee was 3. So Kaylee's taking a bath and I'm taking a leak. (You gotta multi-task when you're a mom.)
Kaylee: Your 'gina is furry!
Kaylee: (triumphantly) Mine isn't!
Me: Well, when you get older you will grow some of your own.
Kaylee: (clearly nervous) Does it hurt to grow fur?
Kaylee: Does it tickle?
Me: Uh, maybe? It's not fur though, it's hair.
Kaylee: It comes from your head??
Me: No, it grows there.
Kaylee: (starring at her crotch) It grows out of my 'gina?
Me: Close enough.
Me: When you're a big kid, maybe like 11 or 12.
Kaylee: Tell me about when you were a kid.
Me: Ok, when I was a little kid I didn't have any hair, then when I was a big kid, almost a teenager, I grew some.