Mommy's big butt.

Queen Mommy and her princesses. 

I have two daughters, Kaylee and Danielle (Dani). They are 5 and 3. They are adorable and hilarious and they drive me crazy. I think that's pretty par for the mama course. Kids can make you feel really awesome (nothing beats a big hug or a "you look pretty, Mommy"). I mean check out this picture Kaylee drew for me. Clearly I am the queen of the family. :D

But another thing kids do is keep you humble. That's a nice way of saying that they're really good at pointing out all your flaws in such a matter-of-fact way that there's no way to argue, no point in explaining to them that the big "owie" they're shouting about in the grocery store is a zit and they will get them too one day and they'd better hope I don't yell about it in the canned soup isle. No, there's nothing much you can do when presented with the honest observations of a toddler.

My kids are very observant, and they don't keep it to themselves. They don't have much of a filter yet. I don't know when people start to learn how to filter these thoughts, obviously not in preschool, and I guess some people don't ever really learn.

My kids seem to take particular pleasure in pointing out how HUGE I am. Especially my butt. To them my butt is ENORMOUS. The other day I couldn't find my belt and when I was getting the kids ready (aka bending down a lot) I kept flashing my butt crack....

Me: Ugh, these jeans don't fit. 

Kaylee: Yeah, your butt is way to big for them. You should buy new pants.

Or this weekend when I was sitting on the coffee table, doing Dani's hair...

Dani: Mom! How can you sit on that table! You're too big and heavy! How do you not break it!

But my ass isn't that gigantic  right? It's just big compared to their tiny preschool butts (butts that they love to waggle in my face any chance they get. Butts are basically the funniest thing in the world to kids.) I shouldn't let their comments bother me, since they clearly have no idea what they're talking about, right?

Dani: Are you hungry?

Me: No...

Dani: Then why are you eating those chips?

Touché, Dani. Touché.

(Edited to fix typos. omg it's one of those days.)