You know the saying, "when it rains, it pours"? Well, lately it's felt a bit like "when it rains, it just keeps raining... fever..." Which is to say, I've been feeling depressed again. And it keeps actually raining (seriously, Minnesota, this is not Seattle, wake up and give me the oppressively hot and sticky summer I was expecting!). And I got sick. While PMSing. Also, my fish died. And none of this is catastrophic but it's just bogged me down deeper and deeper until all I felt up to was reading and sleeping. And then that seemed like too much so I gave up on the sleeping part too.
Do you ever feel that way? Like things just keep spiraling down and down you keep neglecting more and more until you're scared to start doing anything because the To Do list had become so long that you everything on it seemed absolutely impossible? As I wade through the clothes on my bedroom floor I think, why even bothering to do any laundry when we're so behind I might as well give up and live in dirty pajamas for the rest of my life? There's an anxiety about doing anything that can be absolutely crippling. You get to the point where you can't even sleep because that means being alone in your own head.
But as much as that anxiety claws at my insides, I can't lie in bed reading Star Wars novels and avoid the world forever. I have kids. They need clean clothes and something to eat other than frozen pizza. They need to have their hair done, and teeth brushed, and be driven to school and t-ball. They need a million little things, and my husband can't do it all forever. And I'm actually thankful for that. It's usually a simple task I do for my kids that breaks the ice and gets me started doing anything at all. Yesterday I cooked a real dinner (honey-ginger duck, brussel sprouts, and rice) and watched Dani play t-ball. I may have come home completely overwhelmed and stayed up until the wee hours reading, but today I woke up and went to work anyway. Tonight I might even do some laundry.
So that's why I haven't been around the blog. Depression and anxiety flared up and I ran down my supply of prepped and ready posts and just couldn't get any more written until I built up a little steam. But I'm starting to gain ground again. I bet this will happen again, hopefully not to soon though. Thanks for sticking with me through it. I promise tomorrow's post will be more fun.