Depression sucks but still there are things to be said.

I'm going through a bout of depression, so I'm not going to be posting much these days I'm just going to draw your attention to a few things (clicking the links brings much enlightenment):

  • I'm mother fracking failing at this gorram swearing challenge (I totally count sci-fi swears as swears). What is today, h? Hell of a letter, that one.
  • Right after posting about Dead Raccoons, my dog came in from the yard smelling horrible. I bathed him, assumed he rolled in some poop and moved on. The next day it happened again, and I was pretty sure there was no poop. So I investigated. Turns out he had rolled in a nest of dead baby squirrels. UGH. So I bathed him again and went about scooping up rotten maggoty squirrel babies while my kids squealed in delight at how cute they were and how cool the "little worms" were. Then I took a bath in bleach.
  • If that doesn't make you believe in Jinxes, I don't know what will.
  • My leg itches like a motherfucker, and unfortunately while a bit drunk this weekend I may have scratched off a scab on my tattoo. Argh. I suck. Touchups here I come.
  • The Thought Monkey has been a giant douchey asshole lately and so last night I finally got out the big guns and took my magical friend ambien. I still feel a little woosey, but at least I slept. even if all my dreams seemed to be about the cats peeing on things.
  • This weekend I'm auditioning for a TEDx talk based on my post Panic at the Disco... of My Mind. Unsurprisingly this is making me panic, and I spent last night doing a Star Wars puzzle when maybe I should have been preparing.
  • Today my state government is voting on the issue of gay marriage. I'm kind of freaking out, since LGBTQ rights are so important to me.
That's all I got. My brain is drowning in depression and anxiety right now. It really feels like it is drowning. There are manic moments which feel like being really happy. Then there's numbness, dispair, and panic. I'm going to fight this and I will get out from under it, but please forgive me if I'm not on top of things for a little bit.

Finally something to make you smile:

Dani (3 year old): I could hear Kaylee (5 year old) saying "no, no," all night
Ethan (husband): She wasn't, it must have been a dream.


  1. As horrible as depression and anxiety is, I'm thankful that there are others who can share the similarities of it.

    It's courageous that you can see the light, understand that you can cognitively fight this and realize it won't always be like this.

    And in case someone hasn't told you yet today, you are totally awesome. :) <3

    1. Thanks Lynn. It is good to know that others can relate, as much as you don't really wish this on anybody. Also you rock. :)

  2. It's I, which is even worse. I skipped it, and it's my damn swearing contest. :P

    Good luck on your TED talk. Feel better soon. xxx

    1. oh igloofucker. I is such a ickycrotch letter. (I declare comments count)


  3. Ok, igloofucker and ickycrotch are the best 'I' words I've ever heard/read (I heard them in my brain when I read them - I'm not sure why I felt the need to explain that but there ya' go. I hope you find your kernel of corn soon! (that's an Allie reference - just in case you haven't read that post).

    1. Thanks. I did real that post and it created rivers of tears down my face. Allie is a genius.

  4. I LOVE Allie and can I just say how happy my sick puking ass was yesterday when I saw not one BUT two post from her! Made my day! And I love how she really put it out there!!


      I mean, oh, cool, thanks for pointing that out.

  5. I suffer from depression, too. It goes so well with my chronic pain.
    I know what it's like to be down and under, at the bottom of a pit so deep you can't see the top and someone stole your ladder out.
    So today I went and attacked my perennial flower garden, which has been buried under a feet of snow for most of April (weirdest April in CO in ten years...) and needs attention desperately. I felt like killing someone (specific, but shall not be named on the internet) so I killed elm trees and bindweed instead. Now my chronic pain is worse...sigh.
    I hope you feel better soon. Heading off to check out Allie...
    Tina @ Life is Good

    1. it's so hard when the "cure" for one ailment exacerbates another. :(

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